To TA, or not TA.

The last week of the term and you expect it to be an easy one, however it definitely hasn't been.

There are lots of changes happening at the moment and many are good. I just get slightly annoyed when I think, another new thing and another new thing. I haven't got my head around the first thing and now this needs to be done...by yesterday. Obviously, in the long run this will make things easier. I'm not sure I'm it for the long run though. Again, that idea of just teaching my class and going home with no worries can be easily achieved. Of course not! You don't know what it's like as a teacher unless you are one, (especially one in their first year) and the common cliche reply, "You get so much time off!" Yes and still don't get paid as much as you. Who'd have thought this would be another ranting blog. With all this said, like last week I don't like having too much to do, however my greatest support is not around. (She thinks my blogs are boring, so I'm sure she won't read this!) Yes, the other half of me, my Teaching Assistant. Although she is so much more that.

After having an accident on the weekend, I've had to persevere and basically do everything myself this week. You're probably thinking, well why not? It can't be that hard. Of course I can get on and do things and I'm not complaining about that. It's just all the little things that a Teaching Assistant does that a teacher takes for granted. I mean, I know, I was a Teaching Assistant and a Higher Level Teaching Assistant (Anon, 2019). I know how important a Teaching Assistant is and it's a shame the government doesn't. Richards (2017), suggests that the government just doesn't give TA's the recognition they deserve. Fundamentally, they don't give them the right pay either. Although, I'm constantly saying it isn't about the money. You don't go into education for the money, you do it for the children. This is the next generation and I'm telling myself that in some way I am shaping their future.

The support has been offered, I'm just very stubborn and just get on with it and then have a rant here! I don't like to ask for help and I'm like a sponge and soak up everything, however I'm unsure how to release it back out. Normally it comes out wrong, which is why this is a great reflection for me

So, it's Friday and the last day of term. I really am looking forward to a week off. Catching up with friends and family, especially my mother, who I've not seen since leaving hospital. Its felt like a long term and I know the next one is going to be crazy.

I've woken up so early most days this week because all I've been thinking about is school. It's my class assembly today (16th February) and I was so prepared last week, giving the children words to learn and then most of them in our practice yesterday still don't know them and I'm generally annoyed. However, why am I? I don't need to be. It's just caused so much negativity and I've had so many unhappy faces looking back at me this week. I even apologised to my class for my behaviour as I recognise this is partly down to me. I also think it's important to show them, I am only human and we all make mistakes. Maybe I'm making too many mistakes and this just isn't for me. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a teacher. I'm the one that is constantly counting the days away. Surely that's not what my life should be about. I need to refocus and challenge myself again.

With many teachers leaving the profession (Tickle, 2018) and the demands becoming increasingly more, surely the government must recognise more support and money is required. My workload isn't as bad as most teachers, however there can be a real strain on us and the resources. So when you lose a Teaching Assistant, who supports me and the children, it's only then when you identify what a necessity an extra pair of hands can do for you. She takes away my worries and can be that lifeline for those children who don't understand the work.

It makes me realise whether I'm cut out for this. Do I really want the pressure? Do I really want the responsibility? Am I looking for an easy life? Do I need to rethink my end goals? Maybe I just get bored too easily and get "itchy feet". Even at the age of 34, I still don't really know what I want to do with my life and I'm not sure I ever will.

With that in mind and my official 6 o'clock waking up time fast approaching, I know that every day is different. I will make mistakes and that's ok. I can only do what I can do. Every day is different and I will make the most if it. The positives always outweigh the negatives. Tomorrow is another day and just keep on smiling.

Until next time.

Steve Maull. An NQT

References: Anon, (2019) Online at http://www.skillsforschools.org.uk/roles-in-schools/higher-level-teaching-assistant

Richards, (2017) Online at https://www.tes.com/news/government-not-investing-enough-teaching-assistants-or-giving-them-recognition-they-deserve

Tickle, (2018) Online at https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/apr/10/lesson-battle-why-teachers-lining-up-leave